The Long Ride Home…
Your kid’s team just lost 14-0. Or maybe your son’s error on the last play of the game kept them from advancing to the championship. Or maybe you were up by 6 runs but lost in the bottom of the 9th.
If you are involved in travel ball, all these things will likely happen at some point…and then you have the ride home…
The truth is, most kids recognize the problems in the game, even their own, on their own. You don’t need to shove it down their throats immediately afterwards by saying things like, “what were you thinking swinging at that pitch!!” There’s a time and a place to review and discuss. The car ride home isn’t always the best idea.
Here’s what to say and what not to say to your player who is coming off a game they’d like to forget.
Do Not Say:
· “I don’t know why they put Jimmy at second. He can’t field anything cleanly unless it’s a slow roller right to him.” Even if that statement is true, it’s not your call, nor is it going to change the outcome of the game.
· “Your coach is killing this team. He doesn’t call the right pitches, he’s got players in the wrong positions and he thinks he knows everything because he supposedly played 4 years of varsity.” The minute you start badmouthing the coach in front of your player, you undermine the player/coach relationship. Once that’s broken, the unraveling begins. You want to talk about the coach to your spouse? Do it when your child is in bed. Do not speak openly about your frustrations in front of your player.
· “Your coach said all they’re going to do at practice tomorrow is work on run downs because of today’s disaster. You’re the best player on this team and I’m not wasting time taking you to that practice since you weren’t the one who messed it all up. I’ll take you to the cages myself tomorrow and we can work on hitting on our own.” This is a team. They win together, lose together, and practice together.
Try This Instead:
· “How are you – do you want to grab something to eat or would you prefer to just go straight home?” Your child knows you watched the same game he did. He knows you know how bad it was. By not immediately talking about the game and, instead, trying to focus on other things, you’re showing that you’re respectful of his feelings and giving him space to decompress.
· “What’s the schedule for the rest of the week?” One of the great things about baseball is that you often don’t have to wait a whole week to get another game in and rewrite the script. By focusing on “what’s next”, you remind your player that tomorrow is another chance to make it right. Having a short-term memory is key.
· “If you want to talk about the game we certainly can, but if you want to ride the whole way with your headphones on that’s totally ok, too.” This shows your child that you’re there if needed, but also respect his/her need for temporary solitude.
And don’t forget my suggested 24 hour cooling off period, either. Time brings perspective. And tomorrow’s another chance to try again.